What Men Really Want

I have theory about the difference between men and women in one great respect. This is not exclusively a male characteristic but it almost always holds true. What is it that men really want? My theory is this: It doesn’t matter if you are talking about a sexual relationship, a job, a vehicle, a night out, car repairs, lawn maintenance, wives, friends or anything else. What men want most is: NO HASSLE.

There is a certain amount of hassle that is just associated with living. If you expect a paycheck, you need to show up for work. If you want to drive a car, you have to occasionally stop to get gasoline. Men can deal with those hassles because they are a given and come as part of the package. What inflames men more than anything else is: unnecessary hassle. Things that are made more complicated than they need to be or require more than an appropriate amount of effort. One of the reasons that all houses of married couples are decorated the way the wife wants it done is that women will always win any argument about things the man has little interest in because women can dial up the hassle meter until the man inevitably says “screw it” (or words to that effect). In any relationship, the last thing a man wants to hear is, “We need to talk”. That phrase always means there is some sort of mental hassle awaiting. Men don’t like deep complicated movies or dramas because it is too much hassle to worry about the feelings of the characters. That is why simple blow up the bad guy, attractive naked women movies do so well. When the check is for $31.95, the man throws in $40 and doesn’t worry about the appropriateness of the tip because he doesn’t want to have to worry about it. There are guys with calculators and a change purse, but we don’t talk about them (don’t ask, don’t tell). I would rather throw away semi-valuable things from my garage to finally be able to walk in it than hassle with a yard sale to make some not worth my time amount of money.

In the male community, those who make things simple and easy are well thought of and those who create hassle are shunned. It is a badge of honor to be someone who makes things go smoothly. So, despite being occasionally accused of being a simpleton, most guys would gladly rather have that accusation than go through the hassle of proven the critics wrong.

I was once in a discussion about how much money I wanted to make. My answer was this: I don’t know how much in actual dollars but what I want is: when I turn the key, my car starts; when I feel like Chinese food, I buy some and don’t worry about not paying my car payment; when someone calls and wants to have a picnic, I go get some munchies and go; when I pull in the driveway, I am happy to live where I do. That is what I want, an income that produces a hassle-free life. So just like all guys, the avoidance of hassle is the ultimate goal.