My Aunt and the Interconnections of People

I have unfortunately reached the age where my older relatives seem to disappearing rapidly. My aunts and uncles are all of the World War II generation and those folks are going away quickly. I received information that my last remaining aunt, who is ninety five, is apparently not doing well and is expected to pass away soon. It got me thinking, as those types of events tend to do. We always say with dark humor that the only time that the family gets together is at weddings and funerals. I don’t even think we get together at weddings. The real shame in that is that my mother’s family, including the entire first cousin group that I am in, was very close when I was child and saw each other at least weekly. I have been thinking about this a lot over the last couple of days and thought I would collect some of those thoughts.

I have spent the last ten years or so researching and writing a book about the genealogy of my family. In doing so, I have noticed some generic trends in society. In the United States, up until the twentieth century, the country was primarily an agricultural economy. When I look back at the census listings for my ancestors, with a few notable exceptions, nearly everyone was listed as a farmer. The way things progressed typically was that you were raised on a farm, married someone nearby and either inherited your parents farm or bought some land near by and started your own farm. Families were never too far apart and helped each other when ever bad times came around. People tended to stay in the same area for the entirety of their lives. I can go to the Louisa County, Virginia Circuit Court House and follow my mother’s family from the present all the way back to about the year 1600 when some guy came over on a boat.

My older brother, and several of my first cousins and I were the first in our family to ever graduate from college. The combination of higher education, the change in the economy from agriculture to manufacturing and service, and increased mobility has led to families like mine dispersing about the country in ways almost unheard of one hundred years ago. Back then, when you went out west, you were never seen again. While the increased mobility has led to better job opportunities and more financial independence, I wonder about the impact on families of not having close relationships with one another. In the case of my aunt, my wife is traveling to stay with her, a first cousin (not her child) is checking on her daily, and my mother is in contact with her almost daily by telephone. That support does not include what her living children are doing. I wonder about how much support will be given to the elderly of future generations when their nephews and nieces hardly know them.

My aunt is a person who never misses an opportunity to laugh at the silliness that the world routinely exposes. She has had the uncommon blessing to spend ninety five years on this Earth with all of her mental faculties. Despite all kinds of health issues, she has always been alert and able to think for herself. I only pray that quality is genetic in my family. In fact, the more I think about it, the only person I can remember ever having anything resembling Alzheimers is an aunt by marriage. We also don’t have any male pattern baldness. That is pretty encouraging.

The reason I started typing this entry was because I was thinking of how many lives my aunt touched and connected with over ninety five years. I particularly think of people who were not family. When she lived in Louisa, she would drive a quarter of a mile to a local convenience store to buy a Virginia Lottery ticket and a newspaper daily. She would always have a nice conversation with the clerk. I went down to the store one day for her. The clerk just about talked my ear off about how much she looked forward to seeing my aunt every day. She lived in a housing project subsidized by the State of Virginia and made close friends with her neighbors. That is her, in a nut shell. The examples could fill volumes. She is just someone who is fun and comfortable to be around. My mother regularly goes with my step father to eat lunch at a Subway franchise. The manager of the Subway recently gave a birthday present to my mother just because she likes to see her. I think we all don’t bother to think about the impact that we have on other people as we move around doing our daily tasks. The difference between being abrupt and a kind word can have large implications on the people with whom we interact and we usually are not even aware of it. Something as small as a thank you when you actually mean it can have impact. Most people do the right thing when they can and don’t ask for anything more than just some small acknowledgement that their efforts have been recognized and appreciated. Being pleasant is a valuable asset. My aunt is a walking ray of sunshine that brightens everyone she passes. When you get old enough, inevitably you will have to visit someone in a nursing home. Those visits can be terribly uncomfortable. It is a rare and extraordinary thing to be able to say that I always look forward to visiting my aunt in the nursing home. I will miss her terribly but can’t help but smile every time I think about the good luck I have had to be a part of her family and have her in my life.